Me'ls Mind, Friday, December 19, 2008

I woke up this morning at 4 am after a very restful night's sleep. It is the first night in several that I slept all night without interruption. I have been waking several times throughout the night, and have been getting up around 2 am out of frustration. I feel so much better this morning.

I woke up hungry, so I made some biscuits. I made them with brown sugar, so they are sweet -- and delicious. I was hungry because I am on a diet -- hoping to loose weight. Some friends are on a fasting diet, so I googled it. I decided to go on a variation that I found. You eat normally every other day, and eat only unprocessed food on the other days. Basically, I eat fruit and raw veggies on those days, restricting my intake to only minimal food. It will be one week tomorrow. I am finding it a very easy diet. However, there is a caffeine restriction that I don't adhere to. My reasons for starting this diet is I gained 27 pounds in two months due to medication changes. I am fat enough. The weight gained has affected my fibro, raised my blood pressure, and has made my clothing not fit. I refuse to purchase any other clothing.

I don't have a scale at home, so I just have to judge by the way my clothing fit. I am already noticing that my pants are fitting better. I am hoping to looks that 27 pounds plus 53 more. My reason is simple: I am 4 years and 1 month away from turning 50. I want to be in the best shape of my life when I hit that mark.

This morning I am so grateful for my house, which provides shelter from the weather.

Mel's Mind, Thursday, December 18

Since Patrick is home bound for a while, I am really interested in home schooling information. If anyone has information they would care to share, I would certainly appreciate it.

On the home front, all of the gifts are bought and wrapped -- unless Mark comes up with someone else we need to send a gift to. There is inevitably that last minute gift, so I don't know. I do feel good that everything is wrapped and the stockings are stuffed.

In addition, I have all of the cards sent. I have kept one box out for the stragglers that I get cards from and forgot to send them one. I think my list is pretty inclusive this year though.

I don't have a clean house, but let's be frank. I seldom have a clean house. Even being at home all day, I don't have a clean house. Writing takes up a good part of my day, and once Jacob come home from school, it is homework, dinner, etc.

Trevor is coming soon to live with us. I am excited about that as I think it is a good change for him. For the most part, we are a calm house. I think he needs that, and the structure we offer. I already have his chore to add to the chore chart -- taking trash from the trash cans out to the trash and taking the recycling out daily. Easy, but something that needs to be done on a regular basis and is not.

My attitude of gratitude for today is the accident that Trevor was in a few days ago. He totaled his truck, but he walked away from the accident. It could have been so much worse. He is just so lucky -- and so are we.

Mel's Mind, Wednesday, 12/16/08

Ah, winter, although not officially, has arrived to St. Louis. There is snow on the ground, even the pavement that had been cleared yesterday has a fresh dusting of powdery white fluff. It is quite pretty.

Today, we are on Patrick's second day home from school. He is a much more relaxed and happier boy today. I was initially against him staying at home, as I fear that returning to school will create, perhaps, the same set of problems that he has now, or even different problems. At any rate, we have made the commitment and it is at home that he will be for probably the next month. I hope during this time to get my boy back.

Mt attitude to gratitude for today is that Patrick is happy, if even temporarily, as I believe this is t he beginning of a turn around in the dark cloud that has enveloped him for the last few months.

A New Post!

I haven't posted in days. I missed my bog/journal. I have been busy, my fibro is flaring, and things have just been kind of crazy around here. Patrick is now on homebound teaching. I, frankly, don't know what to do with him or how to motivate him to want to go to school. I called my sister (one of two) the other day to ask for her help. Patrick had made a statement to me that he didn't want t0 live if the rest of his life is like this. She really helped me with point of view. So Patrick and I had this conversation based on what sis had suggested. She used the anology of a sore foot or going to war. This does feel like a war, so I talked to Patrick from the point of view that depression is the war and that we are in enemy territory right now -- fighting our way back to our right and healthy side. I reminded him that we have been here before, when he was younger, and we made it through as a family -- together. That is how we are fighting this time. When he feels like he can't take it anymore, I expect him to come to me for help. He has come since the talk.

His psychiatrist put him on Lamictal and reduced his Cymbalta. He is still taking Risperdal, which has been his constant medication. I am not a big fan of taking pills, but if it helps to pull him out of this, if anything helps, then I am open to it. He is in such a dark place right now. I know that place all too well; it is a scary place.

If anyone has suggestions that will help, or you just think they might help, I would appreciate it is you would post it here or email to me at patricknjacob@aol.com. Thanks for help.