Random thoughts

Try as one might, you can't make someone love you. Nor can you change their will.

Running on Empty

An empty well -- that is what I am. As a writer, I am up against the wall. I cannot find the words to complete outstanding projects. In fact, the words for this blog won't flow either.

My limbs feel like dead weights attached to the torso. There is pain in the shoulders and the fingers dance upon the keyboard, making a valiant attempt to support and coerce and support the brain and body to work in unison. On this day though, the energy doesn't extend beyond the wrists -- anything else is just too much.

The colors of my world

Pink has been the color of my world for quite a while. Pink reminds me of the bubblegum I loved as a child; of party dresses, and beautiful birthday cakes. Pink is the smell of a new Barbie doll fresh from the package, and my mama's kitchen when she was cooking a delicious meal like fried chicken or chicken and dumplings. Pink is the color of a child's bedroom when the first color wasn't allowed. Pink is happy, and to boost it to overdrive, add yellow.

Yellow is the color of the Easter lily's that edged our yard every year. Yellow is the happy days that I spent with my beloved mama playing LP's on her huge stereo and dancing in the living room like mad women. Yellow is stopping to have ice cream on the way home from a trip to the library -- her chocolate and me vanilla, or racing home because we went to the library on Thursday night and we want to watch the Walton's on TV.

Pink is the color of my youth, and yellow is the memories of my mother. Throughout my adult life, there has not been a lot of yellow and pink. At the moment, my world is colored the gray-blue of the ocean and the brown of a muddy floor. it is as if pieces of my heart have been ripped from my chest and it is filled with a muddy brown. My head is filled with that gray-blue and has pushed any other color out as it wraps itself around my brain trying to suffocate any happy memories or even the potential of the green buds that form the pinks and yellows of my happiness.