Friday, July 17

Random musings

Jacob is talking to me as I type. He has been reading the encyclopedia, and is just rambling. I know I should actively listen to him. The truth of the matter is that people with Asperger's Syndrome think that everyone is as interested in everything that they are interested in. It is a part of the social skill they lack -- they simply don't understand or even believe that other people simply don't have the exact same interests that they do. I used to listen to him, but he often just drones on and on.

Perhaps I need to go to a support group. In reality, I am sure it would help me, but -- well, I don't really have a reason that I don't find one and just go. It used to be that I was just too busy, but that isn't my reality any longer. I just don't even have the energy.

Mark is in bed already. I didn't spend more than 10 minutes with him today. He did ask if anything was wrong with me, but I told him that I was OK. Fact is, I am just bone tired. I know with the fibromyalgia, it makes me tired all of the time, but this is different. I feel mentally tired also. Part of what makes me tired is that Mark doesn't understand my fatigue. I have tried all sorts of things to give me more energy. I have changed our diet. I am trying to be more physically active. I have tried Ritalin, and when that didn't work well, the doctor switched me to Adderall. That works a bit, but I can't sleep when I take it. I find myself getting so tired that I can't concentrate on anything. It is just a big circle of crazy.

Football and my child

I am proud of my son. Jacob is in the middle of summer camp for football, and wants to be on the football team for nest year (his 8th grade year). I couldn't be any happier.

When Jacob is our on the field, it is easy to see his Autistic traits. He doesn't exactly blend in well all of the time. He is hanging in there though, and now wants to be on the Middle School team this year. I am so proud of my child. I secretly cheer him on during every move. I feel for him each time he falls to the back of the pack when running, and and excited for him when he does a move correctly and gets a pat on the back from the coaches.

Things are going to be all right. I am hoping Jacob will learn he has more strength and determination in him than he knows. What ever happens -- he is part of a greater team, and I am quite proud of him.

A Contemporary

I have had days to reflect on the loss of Michael Jackson. His death has affected me in a profound way. It has made me more thankful for my family. I can't wrap my head around his children -- and the loss that they must be feeling. There is so much trash television about him now; I hope his children are protected from the frenzy that has overtaken the media.

My own feeling of loss is because Michael was a contemporary. Just a few years older than me, he has been a constant. My world has spiraled in so many directions, and through it all -- there was Michael and his music -- and those wonderful, crazy dance steps of his.