New layout

Spring is here. Time for changes to include my blog. Tell me what you like and don't like about it. Be honest.

Thoughts on a Saturday

A thought that keeps running through my head is regarding forward thinking. Every time I have ever applied for a job, I have always stated that a goal is to create forward thinking students. Forward thinking to me is some one that keeps their eye on the future and how their presence can impact or change that idea of future.

Unfortunately for me, I have not been a forward thinker for sometime now. I have been caught up in the past, due in part by my activity on face book and the reconnection of old friends. This has dredged up memories of dreams unfulfilled, and a life led at times by uncertainty and a longing for past and easier times.

Where has this put me? I can only compare it to racing on a track where the only things of concern are speed, avoiding collisions and spin outs, and the greatest challenge is yet another left turn. This is where I have spent the last few months, save for an occasional break that allows for a temporary peek into the future. These are fleeting and rare. My being is consumed by the now, unfulfilled and perhaps unrecognized dreams, and that pull for what might have been.

Certainly, we all think of the past occasionally. That is what has put us in this specific time and place. Choices made and lessons learned. However, being bogged down lets those moments of time just fly past us. A snap of the fingers and yet another moment, another opportunity gone. Another snap, another missed opportunity.

Recognizing this is part of the answer. Believe me, I recognize that I have been stuck making those endless left turns. In this time, there have been losses of loved ones, additions to families, and extreme challenges. I haven't revelled in the glory of the new opportunities facing me. I have been a wallower. I will try -- I must try -- to change. Life is to fleeting to waste -- and that is what I have been doing -- making those left turns and only looking at the present. The future is where I need to place my focus.

My weekend

Mark is off on an adventure to see his family, so it is just the boys, me, and the animals here for the weekend. That really suits me just fine, as I am suffering -- yes, suffering -- with bronchitis and a sinus infection. I am hoping the atb's kick in soon (day 2 today), and I am feeling better soon.

April -- I don't know the date

Somewhere, there should be a time tracker, who can tell a person how many minutes, hours, days, etc. of time that is wasted and is -- poof -- gone. I know that since I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia that I have wasted an enormous amount of time. I heard it in my husband's voice when he saying that I could easily have three hours per day for exercise; I was it on my friend's face today when she came to have lunch; I fell it in my body when I can't sleep but for hte paid that I feel from fibromyalgia. All of the opportunities that one missed along the way. Perhaps I should focus more on not wasting these minutes on foolish things. How about -- poof, here I am again -- pressing my nose to the glass to ensure I don't miss a a second of the scenery whether I am walking, riding in a car, or just whatever. Perhaps I won't begrudge the housework that goes and the things that stay unwritten so I cam have a bit of play time with my boys -- just to play and hang out. Time, is a fleeting thing -- the let it slip though our fingers, or we can act on it. I can't own it, but surely I can use that time that God has given me to work harder and longer amounts of time. This can happen so that those fleeting moments will be full, and when it is our time to pass from this earth, everyone will say that she lived her life well.