Good golly I could use a break. Mark came home so angry last night -- it was 100% directed at me. Even though he apologized, his sharp words still hurt. I just can't handle being treated like that. I discovered that being so upset only causes my fibro to flare.
I am a mess today. I feel awful that my boys have been brought into this mess, but I do feel that my boys have a better understanding of what is going on with me than Mark does. Jacob says he thinks I need to go to the hospital so I can get control of all that is going on. I don't think so, but I do wish there was some measure of how I feel so that Mark could better understand. Patrick said he would fight his dad if he doesn't stop. Hard words coming from a boy that loves his dad more than anything. It is just a reflection of the tension in the house. They have both called their dad today to try to make him understand. It didn't help though -- Mark just called and fussed at me more.
I am trying -- I really don't understand where the anger comes from. He makes me feel as though I am doing this on purpose -- with purpose to destroy our family. I am not. If I could change things, I would. I am so unhappy. I do want to make a distinction that I am not depressed -- that is the only thing that seems to be going well, I was fine until I got pushed off the ledge I was sitting on.
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