Attitude of Gratitude. This is one of the catch phrases that is used at therapy. I lost it, as I always do when I am depressed. The attitude is supposed to be one of thankfulness for all of the good things in your life.
When I am depressed, not just sad, but really deep down I-am-not-sure-I-can-make-it-anymore depressed, I lose my attitude of gratitude. I am sure I am not the only person that had felt this way, but when you look at it objectively, it is stinking thinking that puts one in this place. I call it the spiral to hell, because at the bottom of the spiral is a dark place where all of the hurts of the past that I haven’t dealt with just well up and overtake me. It blocks out all of the good in my life until I am so blinded by the trash, that I can’t see anything else.
More trash surfaces, more good is blocked, and before I know it, I am at a place where I don’t see the good. I look at my children and think, “How can I effectively parent when I didn’t have a good model?” I look at my husband and think, “He is so going to leave me when he finds out what I am really like.” I look at my job and think, “It is all a great sham and the children know that I can’t effectively manage them.” You begin to see how stinking thinking because this great all-encompassing fireball.
I get why group therapy works for me. I listen to others talk about their stinking thinking. I can see that their path is not the right one; I can see the good in them. Once I begin to talk to others about their good qualities and the good things in their life, I begin to picture my own, and my attitude of gratitude starts to build. As I sit here typing at 4 something am, surrounded by my still sleeping family, I can see through the fog at the goodness they bring into my life – and how their love and faith can rebuild my Attitude of Gratitude.
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