Mark and I have been married for 15 years today. I am so happy to be with him. If people really get a soul mate, then he is mine. It took me a long time to realize that.
I am reading Finding Your Way Home by Melody Beattie. One of the activities is a soul searching mission. Some of the questions she poses made me stop and think.
If you weren't afraid to try, what would you be doing, and who would you be doing it with? What are you trying to get more and more of that doesn't make you happy - no mater how much or how little of it you get? What have you adapted and adapted to until you feel there's almost none of you left to compromise? If you were living from a base of faith instead of fear, how would that change your life?
Well, I thought about these questions. I would try to be a writer full time if I weren't afraid, but I am writing, and I am pushing the fear aside. About what I am trying to get more and more of -- the obvious answer is money, but I don't think that is the real answer for me. I think I am trying to get more and more attention, and it isn't making me happy. I just need to do what does make me happy and that is writing. Even if what I am writing is trash. I have adapted to the work force -- teaching mainstream education in public schools. I don't think I have anything left to give to any of the people at my school. At least, not right now. And as for the faith question -- how much more can I live by faith? I am not drawing any kind of paycheck. I am just trusting faith that I am taking the right path and that things are going to work out for me -- and my family. I wouldn't be putting everything that Mark and I have worked the last 15 years for otherwise. I do understand what I am doing.
That said, my attitude of gratitude for today is that I have my Mark. He is such a good husband and friend.
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