Death of a baby

RIP Baby Tyler

Tyler Dasher made national news -- because his mama beat him to death. Tyler lived in my small St. Louis area community. In fact, he lived within walking distance from my house. He was 13 months old when his mama allegedly beat him to death for crying when she wanted to sleep. Then she took that poor baby and dumped him and called the police to say that he disappeared from her home.

What do we take away from this most horrendous event? It can be a learning moment for everyone. We all have a breaking point -- and for whatever reason Tyler's mama reached hers. What happened next could have been prevented if she would have just picked up a phone and called someone for help. There are various locations of crisis nurseries all around St. Louis. She could could have taken Tyler there. I know there were options.

As a parent myself, I have been to that edge. I haven't abused my kids, because I knew to call in for reinforcements. Parenting is a difficult job to say the least. It is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love my children, and just can't wrap my head around the fact that parents kill their babies. There are so many other options.

More about Amy

According to the website aceshowbiz.com, Amy Winehouse's family has released the following statement to Us Weekly regarding her sudden death yesterday.

"Our family has been left bereft by the loss of Amy, a wonderful daughter, sister, niece. She leaves a gaping hole in our lives. We are coming together to remember her and we would appreciate some privacy and space at this terrible time."

In more news, aceshowbiz.com is reporting that Janis saw her daughter a day before her death on Saturday, July 23 during when she uttered "I love you, mum" before parting. "They are the words I will always treasure. I'm glad I saw her when I did," Janis said. The mother also said that Amy's death had been "only a matter of time" because during the visit "she seemed out of it". She added, "But her passing so suddenly still hasn't hit me."

Meanwhile, her father Mitch immediately canceled his scheduled performance in New York City and headed straight home. "I'm getting on the next plane back. I'm coming home. I have to be with Amy," he reportedly said. "I can't crack up for her sake. My family needs me. I'm devastated; it's such a shock."

A neighbor of Amy said that the night before her death he heard crying at 3:30 A.M. "like somebody mourning".

Other news sources are reporting that her bodyguard Ray Grange found her alone in her bed and not breathing authorities.

The autopsy of Amy Winehouse is still pending.

Amy

One of my favorite pictures of the late Amy Winehouse -- without her big hair! I love her soulful voice, and am profoundly saddened that her life was cut short. Tabloid television is reporting that her autopsy may be done as early as tomorrow, but I don't know if that means preliminary results will be available then or not.

A quick change of subject: please pray for my buddy David as he continues his war with cancer. He isn't fighting the cancer with medication any longer. I pray for his family and for his journey to be less agonizing.

RIP Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse was found dead at her home in London. Although tabloids aren't reporting the cause of death, one can only assume that given the 27 year old's battle with drugs that drug abuse will most likely figure into her cause of death. Such a tragic waste of talent. Click on the article title to link up to her cover of Just Friends.

Another Break Up

Not that I am a big JLo or Marc Anthony fan, but tabloids are reporting that they have announced a break up of their 7 year marriage. I don't know any details nor do I care to know, but Marc Anthony was already married when he began his relationship with JLo. Not saying that it had anything to do with or not -- just simply sayin'. Just another celebrity break up.

Speaking of celeb break ups -- what do you think about the Arnold and Maria break up? I am not one to talk about outer beauty, but Peggy aka Mildred the maid is -- well, ummm, to put it delicately, not your shining flower. Not that I think Arnold is a hot hunk either (more like a hot mess), but -- really? Decide about Mildred for yourself -- I have included her picture. In it, her smile reminds me of the Joker from the latest Batman movie. (Heath Ledger's joker, "Why so seriousssssss?")

Finally, something a bit lighter -- Happy # 63 to Brian May of Queen. Check this one out: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVMnjF1O4eH0&h=HAQCTYp-G

A shout to to Newman's Own company

In my mail today -- a surprise from Newman's Own pet food -- a box of food and coupons. You see, several months ago, I contacted them telling them how much I loved their products, but that they were too expensive for me. I was sent a couple of coupons. Then a few weeks ago, I received an email asking if I was interested in a surprise box from them. Of course, I said yes -- thinking it would be more coupons or that it was just a clever way to verify my email and addy. Well, today I got a box -- two full size bags of dog treats, two big cans of dog food, two small cans of dog food, a eensy bag of dry dog food, and a lot of coupons! Great mail day, and kudos to Newman's Own for a great marketing follow-up. Click on the article title for a direct link to their pet food site.

A fun poll

I found this on CafeMom. Just a fun poll. Cut and paste the questions, then answer. If you don't want to post here, email me at patricknjacob@aol.com. Then rip it and send it on to your own buddies!

What is your occupation right now ?

What color are your socks right now?

What are you listening to right now?

What was the last thing that you ate?

Can you drive a stick shift?

Last person you spoke to on the phone?

How old are you today?

What is your favorite drink?

Have you ever dyed your hair?

Favourite food?

What is the last movie you watched?

Favourite day of the year?

How do you vent anger?

What was your favourite toy as a child?

What is your favorite season?

Cherries or Blueberries?

What are your present living arrangements?

When was the last time you cried?

What is on the floor of your closet?

What did you do last night?

What are you most afraid of?

Favourite day of the week?

How many states have you lived in?

Diamonds or pearls?

What is your favourite flower?

another Friday

My goodness -- how times passes so quickly! We all know that -- and the older I get, the more quickly it passes.

These are the things most on my mind:

My friend Kim -- she is just on my mind a lot lately. There are some specific things in her life going on -- but I am not at liberty to say. Just hold her close in prayer as a favor to me.

My high school band mate Dave -- he has pancreatic cancer and although he has lived 1 1/2 years beyond what he was told originally, he has decided to go off his meds. Please pray for peace for him and his family as he literally gives it all to God.

Caylee Anthony -- poor baby tossed out like trash. I know she is in a better place. If her mother did not murder her, she at the very least lied about it. Pray for peace for everyone concerned -- and that God smites Caylee's murderer.

My friend Sheila -- give her the strength to continue on the correct path as she continues to deal with issues surrounding her sister.

My friend Meggan -- that the negative forces in her life begin to ease.

My boys -- for reasons I cannot disclose -- just wrap them in prayer and good thoughts their way.

Namastae.

pop culture

According to Popeater. com, the Judd family is at odds again. Over the years, there have been famous rifts in this family. The latest comes on the tail of Ashley's new memoir. She alleges that she suffered from sexual abuse and neglect when she was younger due to her mom's interest in career climbing as a country music star. Popeater.com reports that sister Wynonna and mom Naomi are angry and hurt by the airing of dirty laundry. Personally, I can't wait to read the book!

Wendy Williams -- many of you know she is one of my favs and that he talk show is a guilty pleasure. Well, she was booted off Dancing with the Stars, much to my chagrin. I even cried. Why? Because I admire her for stepping outside the box and trying something totally new and different, especially as in her phrasing, we are both "women of a certain age." I wanted her to succeed and win that darn mirror ball trophy. I know what Wendy would say though, "Don't cry for me Argentina."

Namastae.

Guilty Pleasures

I have a big three of guilty pleasures. My number on is the soap opera General Hospital. Number two is Wendy Williams. Number three is Celebrity Apprentice. If I had to add a fourth, it would be Dancing with the Stars, but most of the time, I can take it or leave it. (Not this season though because Wendy Williams is on it!)

I think it is important for each of us to have a guilty pleasure. It is time spent regrouping and recharging. Any parent knows how vital this is over the long haul. It is even more important when you are doing the single parent dance as I do. You just have to keep going because there is no one to step in for you.

So come on -- what is your guilty pleasure?

Remembering Geraldine Ferraro

An 80s teen -- that is what I am. I graduated high school in 1981 -- so the eighties were a pivotal time for me. Of course I remember Geraldine Ferraro and the 1984 Mondale/Ferraro ticket. I even voted for

them. The first woman to run for vice-president. It was big. I still have my Mondale for President button.

Sadly, Geraldine Ferraro lost her brave battle with cancer and passed away yesterday, March 26, 2010, at age 75. According to Wikipedia, Ms. Ferraro battled cancer for 12 years.

She was and still is a political icon and a powerhouse in the women's movement. To me, she was an icon --standing bravely in a world of men. And continuing her life in politics when she and Walter Mondale lost in a landslide against a formidable Ronald Reagan and George Bush.

My condolences go out to her family. She will be missed.

Elizabeth Taylor

More of this story: According to the Today Show, our lovely Elizabeth Taylor apparently died of congestive heart failure. It is widely known that she has been battling this aliment for sometime. Her family was by her side as she passed at a Los Angeles area hospital.

Early in her career she was known for her one takes when making a film -- always being on time with her lines learned. Later, perhaps, she was known for her many marriages, her activism in the AIDs arena, her friendship with Michael Jackson, her branding of herself with perfumes, and perhaps even being famous for simply being Elizabeth Taylor.

Her passing makes me sad.

Dorothy Young

Just an interesting tidbit of information. According to mailonline.com, Dorothy Young, the last surviving stage assistant of illusionist Harry Houdini and an accomplished dancer, has died at 103. Today would marks Houdini's 137th birthday.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1369471/Harry-Houdinis-assistant-Dorothy-Young-dies-103.html#ixzz1HWXBJT1M

Chris Brown

Not a fan of Chris Brown -- but what the heck happened to him yesterday? Storming off stage and breaking a window? I was watching my fav girl Wendy Williams (How you dancin?) when she had breaking news of this story. Then last night I heard on the news that he was allegedly arrested. Can't find any facts to back up the arrest. Is this the new Charlie Sheen of the week? What is happening that people are spiraling so out of control? Has this always been the way? I wonder -- perhaps we just know about more with instant media.

RIP Elizabeth Taylor

Just found out that the lovely and talented Elizabeth Taylor has died at age 79. I don't know much about this breaking news, but I am sure there will be massive reports available soon. Such and icon and an end of an era.

As life rolls on

So many things to talk about! First, I want to acknowledge the devastation in Japan. When I first heart about the earthquake then tsunami, the death toll was at 69. This morning, it was at 7,800. There are still well over 1000 people missing. This doesn't take into account those hurt that will die, nor does it take into account anything to do with the difficulties that Japan is having with it's nuclear power plants. Terrible, awful stuff -- and my heart goes out to them.

The nuclear problems in Japan make me wonder about our own nuclear plants. Some are quite aged. Some are built near active fault lines. I am thinking that neither of these things are good, and perhaps that instead of any new nuclear power structures being approved (there are 4 that are nearing approval in Washington D.C.), that the focus should be on modernizing older plants -- and doing who knows what with those built near fault lines. (What kind of crazy allowed that to happen in the first place?)

Also heavy on my mind is that passing of Blackie Maize. I went to school with his children and am facebook friends with the two boys. Blackie was a well known and well respected member of the Viburnum community that I grew up in, and he will be missed. My sympathy goes out to his family.

Charlie Sheen -- I am wondering if this man is so much smarter than some of us (including me) gave him credit for. Tiger blood and all -- he seems to be making huge amounts of money these days. I wonder if the cost to his personal life (c'mon, no one wants their kids taken away from them) is worth it. Has he played us for fools and staged this? Certainly seems so to me. I guess time will tell on this one. In the meantime, I won't be shelling out the high dollars for his stage show based on his current brand of crazy.

For those of you who know me well enough to know my TV habits -- then you know I love me some Wendy Williams. We are friends in my head! I am an avid watcher of her talk show, love her on facebook, and even am a facebook friend to Shakeetha. Well, you should know that she is on Dancing with the Stars (another guilty pleasure) this season and the first episode aired tonight. I think Wendy did fab, and I used all of my votes for her! If you watched, obviously you see that I disagree with her judges' score -- I know her fans will pull her through to next time though. GO WENDY! (How you dancin'?)

Finally, to anyone who understands, but especially to Sheila -- namaste.

Life's Idiotic Moments

There have been many idiotic moments in my life lately. Unfortunately, I only have 15 minutes with which to write about them. So let me get right to it.

1. Charlie Sheen -- he just slays me with his attitude. C'mon -- he cured his addictions with his mind? Now he is healthy? Is that why he is ranting in all forms of medium; had his two youngest children removed from his home by the police; lost his job. I could go on and on. I think he is in that deep trench of denial, and if not careful, it will become so deep that he will have a difficult time climbing back out. I feel sorry for those around him that are being so affected by his outlandish behavior. That said, for seemingly 90% of the population, they can't get enough of Good Time Charlie. Who, by the way, is really Carlos Estavez.

2. Crazy people in general. OK -- perhaps I have been watching John Quinones' What Would You Do? a bit too much. But yesterday, there was an accident on Highway 44 and the Big Bend exit. I stopped, because it appeared to just have happened and no one else has stopped. What I found was an elderly Bosnian man with very limited communication skills and this jerk -- who was totally trying to take advantage of him, I asked if they needed a phone or anything, and Mr. Jerk told me that it wasn't any of my business -- while the Bosnian man was literally shaking. OK -- I made it my business. Over the course of the next 10 minutes, I got Mr. Bosnian to call his daughter, explained the situation, told her that Mr Jerk was bullying her dad, and that I wasn't going to leave him to be taken advantage of.

Long story short, Mr. Jerk called me all kinds of names (fuck, bitch, cunt, moron); got nose to nose with me -- well, not exactly nose to nose because he was a good foot taller than me and about 100 pounds heavier than me -- but you get the picture -- and told me to leave and that if I didn't, he was "going to take care of me." Guess if I stayed or left? I stayed. I just told him, "OK -- do what you need to do, but I am not leaving." I told him that he was acting like a bully, and that I wasn't going to leave until I was comfortable that Mr. Bosnian was taken care of.

Quick back story: Mr. Jerk wanted me to leave because he was telling Mr. Bosnian that there was no damage and that he was just going to leave the scene. Mr. Bosnian kept saying "Bosnia. No understand. Insurance. Police." Twice Mr. Jerk went back to the car --that he wasn't even driving, by the way, it was his girlfriend's car -- saying that he was going to leave the scene. I had Jacob take down his license plate number just in case.

My boys were with me or course, and as soon as Jacob saw Mr. Jerk getting into my face, he stepped out of the car. It did cause Mr. Jerk to get out of my face. Then when Patrick stepped out of the car, Mr. Jerk turned nice, had his girlfriend call the police, and I stayed until the police arrived. Mr. Jerk did apologize for his language.

I felt it was important to step up in that situation. I would do it again.

3. Time is up. I am off to Yoga class. Yes, me -- and yoga. Idiotic!

Breakfast and other random musings

I made waffles for breakfast this morning. I know it isn't a big deal for most people, by I am waffle maker impaired, The first problem is that the waffle maker I use was purchased for one buck at a yard sale. It works, but came with no instructions. After several attempts in making too small waffles and burning them, I now make them so large that they ooze out of the sides of the waffle maker.

It reminds me of Ivan Ooze from the Power Rangers with his gooey purpleness coming out of the edges and gaps of all sorts of things. Needless to say, it makes quite a mess with the waffle maker and the counter. When I am done, it looks as though there has been a bloody waffle mix war on the counter -- lot of blobs and pools of that thick, sloppy, gooey, paste-like waffle mix.

The kids love waffles though, and it makes me feel good to make them something that doesn't come directly from the freezer to the over or microwave. That is a whole 'nother story!

Waffles aside, the boys and I have been fighting illness. We are better for a couple of days. then sick again. The result is that the house is a total mess -- a wreck! I had worked hard last week to pull it together. It was really looking nice. I am amazed that it only takes a couple of days to turn it into a mess again. Dust clambers onto my furniture at a lightening fast speed. I really think the furniture comes to life once we are asleep, pitching pillows, blankets, and left behind food crumbs into the floor, and just generally creating a bigger mess of things. Those things, combined with two boys and three pets -- well, my house looks like something out of a horror movie -- or the beginning of a house eligible for the tv show hoarders.

Since I haven't felt good, I have been watching more television. I watched the Marie Antionette movie last night. You know, the newer one that Kirsten Dunst was in. It really made me interested in Marie Antoinette -- enough to do some research on her. I learned a lot about the woman, as well as some French history. She was a fascinating woman, and the movie is well worth the couple of hours invested in watching.

Finally, I have been remembering a lot of my dreams lately. Let me tell you, it is not something that I would choose to do. They aren't always pleasant. I have heard that dreams are your brains way of solving problems or issues that you don't do in your conscience state. I wonder if that is true. Perhaps that is something else that I need to research as I don't really know what that would say about me! Perhaps just a confirmation that I am nutty after all!

Death of an Aunt -- the loss

It is home -- the loss. I feel as if I am so consumed I can't function. Auntie was my go to person. I need her to go to, but I can't. I have realized just what I have lost, as if I didn't know it before.

I feel as if tears are just brimming under the surface, but I know if they start -- I don't know when they will stop. So I am damed up. I have so many things that I should be doing, but it is all I can do to exist right now. My head and heart is consumed by the loss -- oh how I miss her.

On the death of an aunt

I don't think it had really hit me that Aunt Norma is really gone. Life seems to be rolling along just as normal. Kind of scary.

The day she passed away, I stayed with her until everyone had gone -- I needed to be with her. There were things that I needed to say to her -- in private -- without an audience. That was really hard. that was when I sobbed so hard I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. That was when I was reminded so much of the death of my mom.

I wasn't there during my mom's last moments, nor did I get a chance to say a final goodbye to her. She was whisked away before I was even told of her death. I didn't agree with there. I think it made her death all the harder for me to deal with.

I have this emptiness that wasn't there before, but I don't have the raging grief that I thought I would have. That is why I say that it hasn't really hit me yet. I am waiting for that tidal wave. Maybe it is because I didn't leave anything undone. Aunt Norma knew how much I loved her, and I knew how much she loved me. I don't have any regrets in her passing.

She lived life on her terms -- and ended it on her terms also. What a ride she had. I hope that I go out the same way.

Auntie

Dear Aunt Norma,

I am missing you already. I am so glad that I was there to hold your hand as you passed from this life, but it leaves me with an emptiness.

You took over for my mom when she passed away. I so appreciated that. I needed her - and you helped to fill that void. I know that I am often a troublesome person. I am challenged with depression and other health issues. But you understood me. I didn't feel judged or pressured -- we had good synergy.

I have years of memories -- some great of the fun times we had together, and some not so great of troublesome times shared, but the thing is -- we shared them. We are family, and the love that was shared was remarkable.

I know you are in Heaven now. I know you are so happy to be with your loved ones that have passed before you. I am happy for you Aunt Norma. Just thinking about you being able to walk and have full movement and not hurting -- well, that is awesome.

I know you lived life on your terms, and I am glad that you left it the same way. That is my Aunt Norma for you -- always trying to do things your way.

What I didn't know while we were creating all of those great memories together is how much of my heart you were taking up, and when you passed -- well, it feels like losing my mom all over again. Not that you replaced her, but you took over for her -- because you knew I needed that. More than anyone in my family -- of all of my siblings, I needed you the most, and you were there for me.

Yesterday, because I was feeling blue, I started to call you -- because you are my go to girl -- then I had to stop and realize that I couldn't call you any longer -- and that you are the reason that I am feeling this way. Don't get me wrong Auntie, I am thrilled that you are walking in paradise now. I am feeling just a little alone though.

Please say hi to my mom and tell her how much I love her and I miss her. Tell her that I forgive her for the times that she stood by and let my dad abuse us. I am really over that. Tell her that I am sorry for being angry with her for so long over it, but I am sure she understands -- just as you did -- that it was all a necessary part of the healing process.

Give my beloved Uncle Jimmy Dale a big hug and kiss for me. Thinking of him lately has inspired me to start going more places with my boys. I know there is so much to see and do. I am trying to inject some of his zest for life into me. I miss him, but I know he is so much happier -- especially that both of his sisters are with him now.

Please talk to your mom and dad about my family. Tell them about the awesome great grandkids they have. Tell them how much I miss them -- and mostly, how much I love them. I couldn't have had better grandparents. I know you know that, but I want them to know that too.

I am dealing with your passing quite well. I guess it is because I really don't have any regrets. I did as best I could, and I know you understand that. That's why we have such a great relationship.

I wish you would have hug around for my birthday -- it is in two days, you know. But I guess your gift to me was waiting for me. Thank you for that Auntie. Thank you for giving me the honor of holding your hand while you passed from this life to the next.

I have blue slacks to wear tomorrow -- for you. Perhaps I will incorporate more blue. I know how much you love it -- and it does go well with pink.

I love you more than words can say, and I miss you even more.

Forever yours,

Melinda

Great New Site for Sharing Pictures

I just sent 10 free postcards to my family and friends from this great site that I just found through Bzzagent.com -- a great word of mouth site where I get introduced to lots of new products -- and I get to try them out for free! OK -- many of you who follow my blog already know about Bzzagent.com. I try out the new things they offer, tell people about the products, then post a review of my chatter. For those of you (and I can't imagine who that would be), if you like to be the first to try new things out or if you are cutting edge, you should definitely go to Bzzagent and sign up. Really, it is a great site.

Just like http://www.cellphonepostcards.com/. What a great new site! I uploaded pics and then picked who I wanted to send them to. Then I typed in addresses -- and they save them in their address book so you only have to input once (thank goodness, because I know I will be using this site again). I sent homecoming pictures of my boys to grandparents. I sent post cards to their dad and their sister too! Then I sent pics of my boys playing with a friend's boys to that friend! I can't wait for everyone to get their postcards and tell me what they thought of them!One very cool thing is that the first 10 postcards are free! FREE! It doesn't get any better than that! you can upload from your cell phone or from Facebook.

I even sent a post card to myself so I could see what they look like. If this is as great as I think it is, I am a solid customer! To get to the site, either click on the link in this post or click on the post title as it is an active link also, but you knew that already, right?

Relationships

Recently I decided that it was time for me to open the door and start dating again. Heaven knows I have turned down so many in the past. I began by looking at dating sites. I didn't realize the impact it would have on my children. One of them any way.

Big problems. Crying at school acting out at home. Obviously, it isn't the time for me to start dating. Put that on a back burner.

The acting out brought dad back into the picture -- in a roundabout way. The acting out caused me to bring the hammer down -- so to speak -- on said child for inappropriate behavior. It didn't take long before he called dad to tell on me -- and ask if he could go live with dad. Fortunately for me, dad came over and we all had a table discussion about what happened. Dad totally supported me -- big whew on that one!

Child and I talked and talked about incident. I know it is difficult for any child to be disciplined. Especially when most of the time, the relationship is great and smooth. Then it is more like a friendship. I explained that to the child, and I think he understood. It is important for children to make the distinction between parent and friend. It helped that dad totally supported me in this -- and he reinforced the parent vs. friend theme.

It got me to thinking about my relationship with dad. Although I don't want to get back with dad and divorce IS in the picture, it had caused some reminiscing on my part about when dad and I were together and happy. I guess that is what I miss. I miss the partner I had, and the friend I had.

I really don't want to date. I am not ready. I don't know what I would do if someone wanted to kiss me. I am totally not ready for that. I just thought it would be good for me to be around more adults. My friends --well most of them, work during the day and are busy during their off time, so I don't get to see them as much as I would like. I really just want a pal. In all honesty, I want my friend and husband back -- the one that I fell in love with -- not the person that he is now. I want my partner -- but that is a relationship that will never happen. He is not the person that I am looking for. I am not the person that he could be with. I have changed too much. He has changed too much.

Sad though. I do catch glimpses of that dead relationship -- like when we were totally in sync over the child. It is that ghost that I am looking for -- and he isn't there, and never will be. That is the sad thing about dead relationships. That is why they are dead. But I still miss it -- and AI will forever have a hole that can't be filled by anything else.

To love a daughter

My daughter has come and gone. She lives in San Antonio -- because she is an adult and that is where her love is. We miss her so much. It seems we never get to see her enough nor or our visits long enough. Wish she lived closer.

I am so proud of the woman she has become. She is smart, funny, and beautiful. What a together woman. Wish I had been half as together as she is at her age -- I wasn't. And -- to top it all off -- she is fearless. Something that she definitely didn't get from me!

Having her here makes me think of how I was at her age -- and all of the chances for things that I passed up on because of fear. Usually fear of doing things by myself or being alone. It used to be such a big thing. I have learned that it can be a good thing. Overcoming that neediness has been such a lesson for me. In some ways I feel as though there were wasted years in not getting to this lace sooner in my life. However, if you really look at it -- I wouldn't be the person that I am now if anything in my life had happened differently.

I do love, however, knowing that my daughter won't be held back by the same insecurities that I had.

Frustration

My frustration level is high, and try as I might, it isn't getting lower. The primary problem is my -- wheat do I call him -- my ex -- the boys dad -- my husband -- whatever he is, he is really on my nerves. I make all of the appointments for the boys; I make sure their needs are met; I am here every day for them -- not their dad. It is by his choice that he isn't here.

But -- and there is always the but, isn't there? BUT -- he still tries to control. Have you done this; do something that way; blah, blah, blah. Unless there is a step up with participation -- and child support -- I just don't think there is a right to say one way or the other. SHUT UP!