Elizabeth Taylor

More of this story: According to the Today Show, our lovely Elizabeth Taylor apparently died of congestive heart failure. It is widely known that she has been battling this aliment for sometime. Her family was by her side as she passed at a Los Angeles area hospital.

Early in her career she was known for her one takes when making a film -- always being on time with her lines learned. Later, perhaps, she was known for her many marriages, her activism in the AIDs arena, her friendship with Michael Jackson, her branding of herself with perfumes, and perhaps even being famous for simply being Elizabeth Taylor.

Her passing makes me sad.

Tonight's Grammy Awards

The Grammy's -- one of the "It" awards for recording artists. Tonight a musical tribute was paid to Michael Jackson. His children were there also, accompanied by an uncle entourage, to accept a lifetime achievement award in behalf of their father. While it was touching, and even tear-jerking, it was too little too late.

Jackson was sneered at by the industry after accusations of child molestation became public. Two cases -- one settled out of court and another with Jackson being found not-guilty after undergoing months of public scrutiny. Where was the industry that he loved so much when he was going through this, this mess, this torment?

There was always fan support, and most of the time he had the support of his family. All of the time Michael had the love of his children. But the industry to which he gave so much turned their collective backs on him when he needed them most.

Since his death, many artists have jumped on the Michael Jackson train. It is all about making the big buck. The fucking almighty dollar. There is something wrong with a society that will allow for the collective back to be turned when there is a time of need, but when it looks good or money is to be made, just try to find a seat on that train. Be careful, or you will find yourself pushed under a passing train in an attempt to gain a buck -- or several of them. Whatever the case, it is sickening, and time for a change.

MJ revisited

Months after the passing of Michael Jackson, I find myself back at the computer, googling the latest news and then flipping though pictures of his children. While it is true that I am a huge fan, and even more so after his untimely passing, the pull today is his children.

Unable to put thoughts of the now parent less trio behind me, I drift to YouTube to watch clips. as the pictures scroll past, my mind drifts. I find myself wondering what memories the youngest of the children, Blanket, will have of his father years from now. I compare my own loss of 3 grandparents at a young age; and the strands of memories that have been filtered through the years. The realization that the majority of the memories are vague with gaping holes, like a spider's web that has been loosed from it's moorings.

While fans have their memories, and often share them with other fans, Michael's children don't have the luxury of exchanging memories with millions. Even if that were to happen, these children lost their father -- not some icon that echoes a lifetime of dreams. The cold truth of the matter is that Blanket, in all likelihood, will retain only fractured memories of his beloved father. Such a sad thought for one so young.

Reflection

Listening to a variety of music this morning -- and, as usual, drift back to Michael Jackson. If you are not a fan, you should really listen to some of his music -- like Heal the World, Man in the Mirror, Black or White, and You are Not Alone for starters. He had a message, and it is now for us to pick up and carry on regardless of personal feelings for him.

The message -- to take care of each other and our planet -- is perhaps needed more than ever before. Check out the news -- pick up a paper, listen to the radio, watch it on TV. We are a violent planet. We are a violent nation. I live in the St. Louis metropolitan area. Each night on the news, there are more gang wars, more people destroyed in my own backyard.

Has life always been this way? With the internet, we can catch things just as they are happening, and we see globally each night on television. Is it just because of this instant access that gives us pictures that we have never has access to before. My husband and children love history. It seems that since the time the Europeans first came to what we now know of as the USA, we have been a violent people.

Native Americans helped those first settlers to survive. In hindsight, it was a terrible decision on their part. We, collectively, have reduced their numbers until some tribes no longer exist. Things have not changed much since that time. A lot of the violence stems from greed. We want what we don't have. More money, more power, more things is the message that is continually broadcast.

That is why the words sung by Michael Jackson are so important. Listen to his broader message. Stop fighting. Stop hounding people to the point that their lives seem to spin out of control. Stop buying needless things to stuff our houses until they seem to burst at the seems. Just STOP. Replace anger, violence, greed ... with love, compassion, giving. One by one we can make those needed changes.

Musings

So many things flitting in and out of my heard. Mark and I went to parent/teacher conferences for Patrick last night. We found out some valuable information, and I made some decisions about what teachers I don't like dealing with. I must say that most of them were very nice and helpful. After years of these things, I took my binder of information; the only thing that was really helpful was the addendum to his IEP. Teacher meetings are always valuable. Absorbing the information provided and deciding which pieces to use are really helpful. I certainly need to blog about these communications. I am very lucky to have been on both sides of the table -- as a teacher and a parent. Very useful 2 1/2 hours.

Next -- Jacob has taken to chewing on things. Much like a teething baby. I am sure it helps him with his OCD and Asperger's, but he chews on things a lot -- and sometimes inappropriate things. He has chewed on electrical cords, tv remotes, cups, plates, toys, paper, his clothes, his book bag, his hands ... you name it, if it is in our house, it has probably been in his mouth. I try to correct when I see him chewing, but I don't seem to be making any headway with him. His face is all broken out -- I am sure to his hands and heaven knows what else always being on his face while chewing. Any ideas on how to curb this?

Michael Jackson -- Jacob and I have tickets reserved for the This Is It movie. We are really looking forward to it. At the same time, I am very sad about how everyone seems to be trying to make a buck off his death.I know that I am saying this while admitting at the same time I am furthering this madness with my movie ticket purchase. I hate that Sony Records, is making so much money off of MJ, when they were so nasty to him while he was alive. I am also unhappy about the people who would not and did not support him while he was alive, but are quick to jump on the bandwagon to dish dirt and hand out posthumous awards. I am thinking the only redeeming thing may be that his children learn how much their father was loved, and although some of the adoration seems false -- they are young enough to believe what they see, and all they will know was that their father was adored by many. I am a fan, and will always be a fan. I am just sad that he died at such a young age.

As for fibromyalgia, it is really bothering me. I am in a big hurt, but nothing seems to help. I surely don't have a clue as to what to do about this. I have gone to therapists, doctors, rhuematologists, neurologists, chiropractors. I seem to be really at a standstill right now -- neither progressing or moving backward. Just being.

This Is It

I stayed up until midnight last night in order to purchase tickets for me and Jacob to attend This Is It. The movie isn't going to hit until next month, but the tickets were released last night. I am really happy that I was able to get the tickets. Jacob and I both are Michael Jackson fans.

I still can't get over the fact that he is not here any longer. There are a lot of other celebrities that have passed also, but none have affected me in the way that this death has. I have been listening to his music, and found a lot that I wasn't even aware of. It is moving and profound -- he had a great desire to do things to make this world a better place. I am saddened that so much negative press clouded his last few years. In fact, the first alleged victim of sexual abuse retracted his statement last night. Said he couldn't live with the fact that it was all a lie created by his father. $22 million by Michael to settle out of court, and that led the way for another person to bring charges against him. Makes me sick to my stomach that people can use someone like that. It is so wrong.

There are many thing that are wrong with our society. Perhaps that is what I am agonizing over. I know others believe allegations brought against Mr. Jackson, but I surely don't. If you read the transcripts of the second court case, it is full of holes. I can't believe that there are people that are so -- just so evil that they could even think of torturing and vilifying another person, but that is what was done to Michael Jackson.

Now that he is dead, people are scampering all over to make a profit off his death. I thought long and hard before deciding to purchase tickets to the documentary/movie. I am going simply because I want to see for myself the videos of his last weeks -- I think being able to see inside his head -- watching how he creates the whole mystique ... Well, I think he is brilliant, and I want to see inside of that world. It is something that he seldom let fans see. At the same time, I don't think this is trodding on his memory as some others fave chosen to do.

I have also been thinking what his world must have been like. How someone who seems to have so much could really just have so little. He was insecure, didn't trust people because he had been taken advantage of over and over. He was an abused child -- I can so relate to that, and how that misery can shape your life when you are an adult.

revalations

Patrick Swayze passed away yesterday. I am sad about that. He seemed to be such a kind soul -- staying out of the fray of mainstream Hollywood. I can't ever recall him saying anything negative -- not one thing. I am sure he did, but he kept himself somehow apart from the Hollywood circus. Perhaps a gentleman and a gentle man. He hadn't even reached 60, but somehow I get the feeling that he felt as ease with his passing -- not leaving behind a trail of life unlived or things undone. Speedy passage to him.

Other notables have passed recently also. Farrah Fawcett -- she railed against the cancer that eventually took her. She was older than Mr. Swayze, but I feel as if she fought so hard perhaps because of her son. As a mother of my own troubled children, I know that she could not have passed easily knowing that her son had yet again fallen prey to his addictions. Redmond is lucky to have his father still, but Ryan battles his own demons.

Walter Cronkite -- there was a man who lived life fully. Although we may miss him, there doesn't seem to be a trail of things left undone or messes that need to be cleaned in order for him to pass easily.

Items left undone and messes to be cleaned. Little children left without their father. Hundreds of cast and crew members plus an entourage left suddenly and unexpectedly without a job. That is just a part of what Michael Jackson left behind when he was murdered.

As a parent, I feel for all children when their parents pass, but it is somewhat more comforting when the children are grown and have a set of coping skills to deal with the loss. This isn't the case of Paris, Prince, and Blanket. Stories flow over the internet of Blanket not understanding his father's death, and crying each night asking for his Daddy.

I know this isn't the only case of children left suddenly without the presence of parents, but it is full force in your face, and it leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach. These children who have been in the spotlight since birth, have been thrust into another world. While the measures their father took to protect them from the circus that he lived in as a child may seem extreme or strange to us, I am know that protective nature that can overwhelm a parent in an attempt to keep their child safe.

Last night on the news, there was a video feed of a child being beaten on a bus -- and the cheering throng of students egging it on. No bus driver was seen in the clip. Where was that adult that was supposed to protect the child? What kind of sick society do we still live in that allows for that type of behavior. If you watch the video closely, there appears to be one child in the back of the bus filming the incident on his phone. There are other children cheering and clapping, and yet other children engaging in the fight -- seemingly taking turns.

The newscaster said that the fight was racially motivated. Whatever the reason for the altercation, it only spreads light on the problems of our youth. Our society has slid so sideways that children think this is acceptable behavior; that it is a circus for them to enjoy. Such as with the death of Michael Jackson -- his family and friends were not allowed to mourn -- it was a circus with media coverage of each tear shed. What has happened to us to make us so callous to the feelings of others -- and for those of us who sit on the sidelines watching it all unfold like some type of voyeur allowed a peak into the soul of others.

I do not claim to understand or know what the answer or answers are. What I know is that we have allowed extreme behavior to become the norm for our society. We flock to the television to watch reality shows and eagerly climb into the fray instead of trying to correct what is wrong. We must begin to civilize our society. Take joy in the happiness of others; fight back when something is wrong; give instead of take; and begin to take back the civilized society that is slipping away from us all.

Michael Jackson

Michale Jackson was finally laid to rest last night. His body is in a mausoleum that is not open to the public. I am sure that is the best thing for his family; they can go to see him without being troubles with throngs of adoring fans.

I still am having a hard time accepting that he is really gone. It isn't that I am such a fan -- I mean, I am, but -- as I have said before -- his presence has always been in the background of my life -- ever since I can remember. As a child, there was Michael and the Jackson 5. When I was in college, he was just embarking on his solo career -- and he was a hit in the dorm that I lived in. From then on, there was his music -- his dance moves -- his is energy -- his life, running consistently in the background. No matter what I was going through -- there he was. And that has always been the case.

Now he is gone. The last part of my youth is gone. There will never be a smash concert series by him or any chance to see him perform live. Wasted chances that I always thought I would be able to change -- many of them are gone. I need to face my life and recognize that there are limited chances. Michael will not be able to see his children grow into adulthood. He won't even be there to help them through pre-teen angst. I ache for his children. I am glad that their father was put to rest last night, so they can move forward. I hope that they someday realize -- even though there were things in his life that I am sure he could change -- don't we all have those though -- Michael Jackson was a larger than life star. He began performing at age 5, and his whole being was creating the music and moves that defined him. As chis children grow up without their father, my generation grows old without our icon. So sad...

Michael Jackson

The hardest thing today -- Paris Jackson pleading for her Daddy to know that she loves him, and that he was the best Daddy. I can't imagine what her life was like being the daughter of Michael, who wasn't allowed to be a "regular" person. My heart just goes out to all of his children -- Paris, Prince, and Blanket. I feel for all of his family, but most for the children. The simple love of a child for her Daddy.

Michael

I am saddened by the death of Michael Jackson. I am a fan. I feel the swirl of frenzy that surrounds him -- that even in death he is not given perhaps the respect that he deserves. I know of the bad things the have seemed to drape him like a cape in the last few years. I wasn't there, so I can't claim to say one way or the other what he did in his private life.

However, I can choose to believe that he was one of the most fascinating performers in my lifetime. I believe he was a musical genius. He was music -- in his words, in his dance, in all that surrounded him. He was that puff of something that inspired us to sing and dance and create music. I love his music. I love the way he moved. I loved him. He has been a part of my life. I can remember my Michael Jackson moments -- listening to his music throughout my life. Seeing dance students perform his dance routines. I will miss his inspiration. I will miss the force that was Michael Jackson. I hope he finds the peace and happiness that he always seemed to be searching for when he was with us.