A Quickie

No, it so isn't the quickie you are thinking of!  Just a quick note.  I am dog tired.  eBay has a deal where for the last 3 days, you could post up to 500 listings for free in addition to the monthly allotment of 50.  Always the bargain hunter here, I dislike paying for eBay postings. (I figure they get enough of my money!) But being the procrastinator that I am, I waited until this afternoon to start.  I took pictures and created listings for a total of 7 hours today.  My body is aching, so I know it is time to stop and head off to bed.  Love the eBay deals, but don't want to end up in a fibro flare tomorrow.  As always, if you are interested in checking out my Ebay sales, here is a link.

Musings

So many things flitting in and out of my heard. Mark and I went to parent/teacher conferences for Patrick last night. We found out some valuable information, and I made some decisions about what teachers I don't like dealing with. I must say that most of them were very nice and helpful. After years of these things, I took my binder of information; the only thing that was really helpful was the addendum to his IEP. Teacher meetings are always valuable. Absorbing the information provided and deciding which pieces to use are really helpful. I certainly need to blog about these communications. I am very lucky to have been on both sides of the table -- as a teacher and a parent. Very useful 2 1/2 hours.

Next -- Jacob has taken to chewing on things. Much like a teething baby. I am sure it helps him with his OCD and Asperger's, but he chews on things a lot -- and sometimes inappropriate things. He has chewed on electrical cords, tv remotes, cups, plates, toys, paper, his clothes, his book bag, his hands ... you name it, if it is in our house, it has probably been in his mouth. I try to correct when I see him chewing, but I don't seem to be making any headway with him. His face is all broken out -- I am sure to his hands and heaven knows what else always being on his face while chewing. Any ideas on how to curb this?

Michael Jackson -- Jacob and I have tickets reserved for the This Is It movie. We are really looking forward to it. At the same time, I am very sad about how everyone seems to be trying to make a buck off his death.I know that I am saying this while admitting at the same time I am furthering this madness with my movie ticket purchase. I hate that Sony Records, is making so much money off of MJ, when they were so nasty to him while he was alive. I am also unhappy about the people who would not and did not support him while he was alive, but are quick to jump on the bandwagon to dish dirt and hand out posthumous awards. I am thinking the only redeeming thing may be that his children learn how much their father was loved, and although some of the adoration seems false -- they are young enough to believe what they see, and all they will know was that their father was adored by many. I am a fan, and will always be a fan. I am just sad that he died at such a young age.

As for fibromyalgia, it is really bothering me. I am in a big hurt, but nothing seems to help. I surely don't have a clue as to what to do about this. I have gone to therapists, doctors, rhuematologists, neurologists, chiropractors. I seem to be really at a standstill right now -- neither progressing or moving backward. Just being.

The Elephant in the Room

I don't feel well. I don't know if it is fibromyalgia, the flu again, or just whatever. It makes me cranky, and I hate it . It causes me to push people away, because just having them nearby irritates me. I am very unpleasant to be around. I try to explain this to my family.

I try to explain this to Jacob, who stays close to my side lately. I am sitting on the bed after calling my rhumetologist. I don't get the answers that I want from him. Perhaps because there are no answers. My temper flares a bit at his suggestion to go to the emergency room, when I clearly stated that I cannot afford to do so. He says that they would only give me more narcotics to ease the pain. I know from experience that if I can get on top of my pain -- even for just a few minutes, I can handle it so much better.

So -- back to Jacob. He is being silly in my room trying to be silly and make me feel better. I try to explain as nicely as I can that I don't feel well, and his antics are just annoying me. Perhaps there is no good way to say it. Jacob keeps fining reasons to be in here, each time though I am getting more frustrated with him. What I want to do is yell as loud as I can for everyone to get the fuck away from me until I can come to terms with this pain. I don't. I know how words can hurt. I finally tell Jacob that he has to leave -- he seems to understand that he is annoying me -- from the other 5 times I have ask him to stop -- explaining how his silliness on my bed is getting under my skin.

He leaves -- although he clearly doesn't want to. He goes outside. I feel emotionally horrible. He just loves me and wants to make me happy. It is a hard thing for both of us. I don't know how other people deal with situations like this. I am so open to suggestions. I try so stay welcoming to my children even though I don't feel that way under my skin. I love them and know that they only want to express love back. It is me that I have to change -- I want no wedges between us.

August 27

I had an appointment at the rheumatologist today. They changed my medicine dosage again. I also talked to the PA about my memory lapses. (For example, I forgot how to get to the doctor's office and had to call Mark.) I was hoping it was an easy fix. It isn't. It is called fibro fog -- and it is common with fibromyalgia patients. I am a bit sad about that. I also didn't loose any weight from last visit. I am too embarrassed to say how much I weigh, but it is a lot. I am so fat that most of my clothes don't fit any longer. I have to loose weight, and fix this fibro thing somehow. Uggh -- not such a good day for me.

I am asking everyone that reads this to pray, pray for my friend Russ and his wife, Valerie. She is undergoing surgery for breast cancer. Please keep them close in prayer. Thanks friends.

Mel's Mind, January 25, 2009

Can you believe that we are closing in on the end of January? It amazes me at how time flies by the older I get. Before I know it, I will be 60 -- the good thing about time flying by so quickly is that the bad things or bad days are soon a distant memory.

I had a tough fibromyalgia day yesterday. I ended up in the ER. The good thing is that I received a morphine dose in an IV and felt better quickly. The bad side of it is that I spent several hours in the ER (Mark was with me), and it will cost the usual $100 for an ER visit. I asked my doctor if I could go to the Urgent Care Clinic, but he was worried that they wouldn't have the correct tests available if something showed positive on an evaluation test, so off I went to the ER. The tests showed nothing, of course. I am glad they erred on the side of caution, but I also wish I didn't have to worry about the fees involved.

What do you think about the new president working over the weekend? I heard on the news that Washington politicians are going to have to get used to the idea of working on Saturday. I don't think that is a bad idea for the time being, until the budget it set and the economic situation of the country is relived or on the way to relief. I don't think that is the situation right now. I don't see locally that our economic situation is on an upswing. I do look forward to that day though.

Mark is talking about a trip he took to the Bahamas -- with his now ex-wife -- almost 20 years ago. I have never been, but would sure like to go. There are a lot of places that I would like to go, but have never been. I had always thought that I would have been much more of a world traveler by this time in my life, but, sadly, that is not the case. The only place I have ever been outside of the US is a couple of day trips to Mexico. I am hoping that changes in the next few years. Is this typical of others facing mid-life? I would surely like to know.

Thoughts on Wintery Friday

We we blessed with a wonderful spring like day yesterday. Temperatures were in the high 50s, and my children were outside in shorts. Mark was on the golf course, so it was a really great day for everyone. Being in St. Louis though, the weather typically doesn't stay any one way for long, and today we woke up with a 30 degree temperature drop. Mark got to take the day off to enjoy the unusually warm temperatures on the golf course -- of course, his favorite place.

Today we are back to normal, with the exception of Jacob being at home due to illness. I sent him yesterday, and I think it was too much for him. He was cranky and upset for most of the day yesterday. I am hoping that he will feel better on Monday with a long weekend.

I went to the rheumatologist yesterday. My Cymbalta was increased 30 mg. I am thrilled that my doctor felt sorry for me and gave me the medication. I was pretty happy with that, as it would have been an additional $45 co-pay. Not a good thing on my already strapped income.

Speaking of income -- it sure is hard with Mark being the only person bringing in money into the house hold. I am continually surprised that he stays with me. I have always loved him so much, but -- if it is possible at all -- I think that I love him more for understanding and standing bu when I know that it is so hard for him. It has caused us to focus more on what really matters and less on the things around us.

Mel's Mind, Dec 3

I am so tired this evening. I'm sure it is the fibro. Just trying to stay awake long enough for kids to do homework. We have tag teamed Patrick's work. Even Jacob helped him tonight. Blessings all around on the math homework for Patrick. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I must go lie down for a bit.

Doctor's appointment

I went to the doctor today -- a second opinion. I was originally diagnosed with bursitis, but that was wrong. I have fibromyalgia. That is the bad news. The good news is that some of thesymptoms of my depression might actually be this.