I Miss You Friend

Today I am taking my boys and their friends to a viewing. The deceased is the mom of one of their close friends, and she just happens to be my friend too. I don't know that I am as strong as some people believe, as this is tearing me up.

Laurie was that friend that you could always call. She would listen to anything, no matter how trivial or how big and try to help. That is what I am missing, Yesterday was a difficult day for me. It was supposed to be a fun filled day with another friend, but we ended up taking her son in for a medical evaluation -- and it lasted for hours. I thought about calling Laurie, because I knew she would be understanding. But then I remembered she had passed away. I can never call her again.

So as I sit here thinking about her, I look at the clock. Her husband and children will be getting ready to go to the viewing. One last evening with their family together.

I hope she is somewhere comfortable and at peace -- and walking again. Whole and doing things for herself. I forgot to say that she passed from Multiple Sclerosis. She hated being trapped in her home, in her body. She wasn't negative about it, actually downright gracious of how other people helped her. But she felt she was a burden, and she didn't like it. She didn't like that she couldn't do things for herself.

So in a couple of hours, I will go see her with my troupe of young men. Going to support their friend. And tomorrow I will go back with my son to her funeral and burial for one last goodbye. I sure do miss her -- and the world today is a little bleaker without her presence.

RIP Mike Wallace

I am saddened by the death of Mike Wallace.  He was a tiger in journalism -- know for stealing stories from his co-workers and being unafraid to ask the tough questions.  While I don't ascribe to his journalist style, it in no way takes away from his greatness.  Mr. Wallace also battled depression; at one point even considering suicide.  In his later years, he was quite open about his mental illness.  Probably best known to my generation for his 38 years on the tv news magazine 60 Minutes, Mr. Wallace was 93 years old.

Whitney Houston

The autopsy report for Whitney Houston has been released.  The official cause of death was drowning.  I am sad at this.  Right after her death, her previous body guard said that when he worked for Whitney, he would not allow her to take baths because he feared she would drown.  Scary.

The toxicology report said that in addition to prescription medication, that there was cocaine and marijuana in her system.   It is all just so sad.  Ms. Houston and I were both born in 1963.  It makes me so sad; seemingly she had it all, but in reality did not.  She obviously had some huge holes in her world.  It makes me so very thankful for my own life.  I may not have it all, but I know that I am so much happier than Whitney Houston was.

My sister-friend 's mom  passed away recently.  It is so sad to loose your mother -- and so hard.  I know from experience.  Life is never the same.  Here is a link to a blog entry that my friend had written about her mom.  It is well worth the read.  PS:  I love you Melody.  Blue Memphis

Death of an Aunt -- the loss

It is home -- the loss. I feel as if I am so consumed I can't function. Auntie was my go to person. I need her to go to, but I can't. I have realized just what I have lost, as if I didn't know it before.

I feel as if tears are just brimming under the surface, but I know if they start -- I don't know when they will stop. So I am damed up. I have so many things that I should be doing, but it is all I can do to exist right now. My head and heart is consumed by the loss -- oh how I miss her.

On the death of an aunt

I don't think it had really hit me that Aunt Norma is really gone. Life seems to be rolling along just as normal. Kind of scary.

The day she passed away, I stayed with her until everyone had gone -- I needed to be with her. There were things that I needed to say to her -- in private -- without an audience. That was really hard. that was when I sobbed so hard I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. That was when I was reminded so much of the death of my mom.

I wasn't there during my mom's last moments, nor did I get a chance to say a final goodbye to her. She was whisked away before I was even told of her death. I didn't agree with there. I think it made her death all the harder for me to deal with.

I have this emptiness that wasn't there before, but I don't have the raging grief that I thought I would have. That is why I say that it hasn't really hit me yet. I am waiting for that tidal wave. Maybe it is because I didn't leave anything undone. Aunt Norma knew how much I loved her, and I knew how much she loved me. I don't have any regrets in her passing.

She lived life on her terms -- and ended it on her terms also. What a ride she had. I hope that I go out the same way.

Death of Elizabeth Edwards

Elizabeth Edwards passed away after a valiant fight against the big C. I am so very saddened. She has children who are not yet grown. Always, always, I think of children without parents. It has to be one of the most difficult things for a child to endure. It just doesn't seem right for a child to loose a parent. Please take a moment to pray for her children.

I made a similar comment on my facebook account this morning. A friend then posted the poem below. It is so lovely -- and fits so well with how I am feeling.

Andrew Jackson Kessinger IV

Now that another battle's over
and we see the victory has been won
We need move t'ward the next valley
and see,
"Where it's ended
is where we've always begun”

Starting anew is never easy
and changing paths
is always hard
Yet we know with our LORD
He'll always show us the True Way;
Straight is the path and narrow is the gate
toward His Love.

Since I always get what I pray for
I gotta really be careful how I pray
For as I pray in the Spirit it's beautiful
but when I pray in the flesh I'm led astray

Once He allowed me to submit all to Him,
I knew there'd be no turning back,
and then as I stepped into the Promised Land
Peace I'd never known became fact

I could see trials and tribulations
though I dared not look to find out more
It scared me, but He gave me boldness;
knowledge my Saviour knows what's in store

The dawn has come
Building toward tomorrow's sun

AJK IV, Sept. 2004
after watching my wife die from lung cancer.
It's still appropos