I Miss You Friend

Today I am taking my boys and their friends to a viewing. The deceased is the mom of one of their close friends, and she just happens to be my friend too. I don't know that I am as strong as some people believe, as this is tearing me up.

Laurie was that friend that you could always call. She would listen to anything, no matter how trivial or how big and try to help. That is what I am missing, Yesterday was a difficult day for me. It was supposed to be a fun filled day with another friend, but we ended up taking her son in for a medical evaluation -- and it lasted for hours. I thought about calling Laurie, because I knew she would be understanding. But then I remembered she had passed away. I can never call her again.

So as I sit here thinking about her, I look at the clock. Her husband and children will be getting ready to go to the viewing. One last evening with their family together.

I hope she is somewhere comfortable and at peace -- and walking again. Whole and doing things for herself. I forgot to say that she passed from Multiple Sclerosis. She hated being trapped in her home, in her body. She wasn't negative about it, actually downright gracious of how other people helped her. But she felt she was a burden, and she didn't like it. She didn't like that she couldn't do things for herself.

So in a couple of hours, I will go see her with my troupe of young men. Going to support their friend. And tomorrow I will go back with my son to her funeral and burial for one last goodbye. I sure do miss her -- and the world today is a little bleaker without her presence.

True Friends

What defines a friend? Someone that can be trusted with your confidences? Someone that will tell you the truth? Someone that will be there for you in your time of need? Is a true friend all of these things? None of these things -- something intangible?

Obviously I don't know what defines a friend. The things that I thought meant the most, and some of the people that I thought were closest to my heart have proven that they are not who I thought them to be. Perhaps I put my friends on pedestal ... I don't really know. I do know that I am hurt and confused. I shared true feelings and concerns, and instead of any attempt at understanding -- I ended up with two less friends.

Granted, once I was called out, I made some not so wise choices myself. I was hurt -- terribly hurt -- so I responded in kind. Not wise as it made an already bad situation worse. So now we are divided, and true colors have been shown. In an already crazy world, I cannot and will not allow more crazy around me or my family. I don't think there is any fixing this time, not that I think I want it fixed. I think true colors have been shown, much to my dismay.