On the death of an aunt

I don't think it had really hit me that Aunt Norma is really gone. Life seems to be rolling along just as normal. Kind of scary.

The day she passed away, I stayed with her until everyone had gone -- I needed to be with her. There were things that I needed to say to her -- in private -- without an audience. That was really hard. that was when I sobbed so hard I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. That was when I was reminded so much of the death of my mom.

I wasn't there during my mom's last moments, nor did I get a chance to say a final goodbye to her. She was whisked away before I was even told of her death. I didn't agree with there. I think it made her death all the harder for me to deal with.

I have this emptiness that wasn't there before, but I don't have the raging grief that I thought I would have. That is why I say that it hasn't really hit me yet. I am waiting for that tidal wave. Maybe it is because I didn't leave anything undone. Aunt Norma knew how much I loved her, and I knew how much she loved me. I don't have any regrets in her passing.

She lived life on her terms -- and ended it on her terms also. What a ride she had. I hope that I go out the same way.