To Heaven or Hell

An interesting conversation with my son tonight. It started because my niece, a young 20 something has cancer. So we started talking about how sometimes life seems so unfair. Then he asked me to tell him a story.

I told him about when I was in the third grade, all settled in school by then, with friends close enough that we could walk to each others houses. My grandparents, with whom I thought the sun rose and set, were within walking distance from our house. Life was good. One day my dad came home from work and told us that we had to move. He had been promoted, but we had to move to the town he was going to work in.

You need some background here to see the entire picture. My mom had never lived anywhere else but that town. She knew every nook and cranny, and I believe she was very happy there. If the sun rose and set with my grandparents (her parents), then the stars in the sky were there because of my mom. She was involved in everything -- the library board, march of dimes, my class room mother -- and if that wasn't enough, she kept the house running smoothly for me and my six siblings, plus my cantankerous dad. In my world, my mother was as close to perfect as a mother can be.

That all changed when we moved. In fact, everything changed. My grandfather passed away right before we moved. A hard blow to my mom. We lost my other grandfather and my grandmother the next two years. Plus, we didn't fit in. My dad was mean -- he ran off my mom's friends. He ran off our friends. We couldn't have anyone over when he was at home, because he would make them go home and we would get in trouble for having fun. Looking back, it must have been a very stressful time for him too. He also had to move away from his home town, and begin a new job. All in all, I think most of the family was pretty unhappy about the move.

So back to sharing with my son: he asked about what it was like to move. Then, for some reason, my son asked me how old my mom was when she died. He said that he thought it was cancer that killed my mother, and the fact that she had Alzheimer's -- well she was predestined to have that cancer and it was her time to go. Then he asked me what I thought about my dad, who has been so mean and hurtful for most of his life, still being here.

I thought about that for a moment. I didn't have to think about how I would answer, but only if I should share my thoughts with my son. Well, he did ask, so I told him. I shared that I thought it was awful that my mom had to suffer the illnesses that she did, and that I felt cheated because I would have chosen that path for my dad any day over my mom.

We then talked about karma, and heaven versus hell. My boy thinks my dad has no chance of being allowed into heaven. As for me, I don't know. Perhaps the laws of karma are already working. My dad is old -- 80, but he seems even older to me. His eyesight is failing. My independent stubborn father is now dependent on others for so many things. On top of that, he watched my mother's decline from day one to the very end. If that isn't hell, well, I just can't imagine it could be any worse. So maybe he is already dealing with karma. Maybe, getting into heaven is like my mother used to say, "As long as you have faith at least the size of a mustard seed, you will allowed into heaven."

The war

All around is mess. Papers - everywhere, books - everywhere. The clutter is taking control. The mind is loosing.

When no one is around, the elves come out and produce more -- leaving it to be found the next morning. Just a little here and there. Not even enough to notice, unless attention is being paid. A few more papers on the desk, a book laying on the floor, some dirt scattered on the table in front of the plant pot.

Insomnia kept them at bay for a long time, but the little sneaks, in their proud pointy shoes and ridiculous hats, are smart. The wait on the fringe for the eyelids to droop and finally close. Then they tiptoe around, knowing where the squeaky floorboard is and how close they can get to the family dog without waking him. Snickers muffled, they create just the ever so slight difference.

Their hope is to gain control Their prayer is that the human will either leave or be locked away. Their freedom is at stake, and the war is on.

True Friends

What defines a friend? Someone that can be trusted with your confidences? Someone that will tell you the truth? Someone that will be there for you in your time of need? Is a true friend all of these things? None of these things -- something intangible?

Obviously I don't know what defines a friend. The things that I thought meant the most, and some of the people that I thought were closest to my heart have proven that they are not who I thought them to be. Perhaps I put my friends on pedestal ... I don't really know. I do know that I am hurt and confused. I shared true feelings and concerns, and instead of any attempt at understanding -- I ended up with two less friends.

Granted, once I was called out, I made some not so wise choices myself. I was hurt -- terribly hurt -- so I responded in kind. Not wise as it made an already bad situation worse. So now we are divided, and true colors have been shown. In an already crazy world, I cannot and will not allow more crazy around me or my family. I don't think there is any fixing this time, not that I think I want it fixed. I think true colors have been shown, much to my dismay.

Right move

Can life be more unstable? Turning on the news shows us areas of the world where there are unimaginable horrors. This is a time in which all the world should have at a minimum food and fresh water. Not so.

So am I shallow to worry about my own situation? Problems such that we have never known, with no one to turn to. I see the worry etched in long lines on my husbands face. An overwhelming sense of helplessness tries to overtake us. All of our options are being weighed.

The opportunity has presented itself for my family to move back to Texas. It is an option that is under serious evaluation. Since moving to Missouri some 14 years ago, we have never felt at home. We have missed our children terribly. The relationships that we thought we would find here have never came to fruition. In fact, family relationships were probably stronger before the move away from Texas.

There are a lot of things to consider. The pull of Texas is strong. Right now, I think it is time to go home.

Sister Friends

Perhaps you have a preconceived notion of what a sister friend. A biological sister that is actually a friend you say? A friend you love like a sister? Goodness, what would form that relationship anyway? In this world, a sister friend is a beloved female person that should have been your sister from birth. Through no fault of your own, she wasn't included in your biological family.

I have a few sister friends. I treasure them. I turn to them in times of need for comfort and support. Recently, I have come to treasure one particular sister friend so much. I send her these lengthy crazy notes, filled with my turmoil and uncertainty. She replies with such focus and clarity that I am sure it flows from the hand of God instead of from her heart to mine.

Melody, even her name rings of a joyousness. So many things in my life seem to parallel hers. Things from our hearts at any rate. I treasure her. I don't know that if she realizes just how important she is to me. Just the thought of how much she cares and the brute force of her messages is enough to make even the most cynical among us realize that there is love to be shared, and that God is actively working in our lives.

If you were not born into the family of your heart's desire, then create it. There are people out in this big wide world that will give of themselves. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to find your own Melody sister friend.

Mark who?

My husband, Mark, is working hard with his new real estate broker -- Remax Gold -- to build his business. If you know of anyone who is thinking of buying or selling their home, vacation cabin, business, etc., he would certainly appreciate the contact information. Of course you can call him at (314) , but he has a web site that you can also contact him through. With this application, you can provide more information than is possible with leaving a phone message. Here is the site url: http://markvbradley.com/

Superbowl 2010

How could we not have collectively rooted for the New Orleans Saints? I am not even a fan of football, but I still watched this game. Very cool. A much needed boost for their town, and perhaps those among us that need to be reminded that out of despair can rise greatness. I am so very happy that they won -- and that Drew Brees won MVP. How sweet was that picture of him in tears hold ins baby? Congratulations to the team.