August 27

I had an appointment at the rheumatologist today. They changed my medicine dosage again. I also talked to the PA about my memory lapses. (For example, I forgot how to get to the doctor's office and had to call Mark.) I was hoping it was an easy fix. It isn't. It is called fibro fog -- and it is common with fibromyalgia patients. I am a bit sad about that. I also didn't loose any weight from last visit. I am too embarrassed to say how much I weigh, but it is a lot. I am so fat that most of my clothes don't fit any longer. I have to loose weight, and fix this fibro thing somehow. Uggh -- not such a good day for me.

I am asking everyone that reads this to pray, pray for my friend Russ and his wife, Valerie. She is undergoing surgery for breast cancer. Please keep them close in prayer. Thanks friends.

Too Much Stuff

I have know it for a long time, but have been unable to properly address the situation. I have too much stuff in my house. I am really interested in a greener environment. Part of this includes changing my house habits.

I don't know how this began. Perhaps it began when I had my first baby. The amount of stuff you need for a child is amazing. Or perhaps it began when I was put on bed rest with my second child. I accumulated a lot of stuff then simply because life is so boring on bed rest, and I felt I needed stuff to keep me occupied.

Now I am craving simplicity. I thought what I wanted was a bigger house -- I would like a garage and another bathroom. One obstacle is that I don't know how to stay organized. I wonder sometimes if I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder. People who have that have a tremendous problem with staying organized.

I am going to try t0 begin organizing and ridding myself and my house of the things we don't need. I don't know if this will upset my family or not, but it is one of those things that is really making me uncomfortable in my own home.

If anyone has ideas for organization, please don't hesitate to email me at patricknjacob@aol.com or leave a message.

Thoughts on a beautiful Monday

My friend has lost her cat. Although this doesn't seem like such a problem to some, most anyone who shares their home with a pet can empathize with her. And, I am sure, grateful that it isn't us who is suffering the loss, all the while hoping that her wayward Louella comes home soon.

To many people, pets are considered part of the family. Over the summer, we had to put our beloved Gracie down. She had not been doing well for some time. I opted to take my two boys with me. I asked them if they wanted to go, and they had said yes. It was a bad idea. It was in August, and I am still regretting that I allowed them to be there. It was awful. Terrible awful.

I wonder why we show so much compassion to our animals, but allow humans to go through agonizing, long suffering deaths. That too is awful. Terrible awful.

Another page -- I watched a Linda Ellerbe news short yesterday. I was about the greening of America. It started me thinking about how much we waste. Our footprints on this earth will be huge. How much useless stuff we have, and how much just plain stuff we have. I am looking at eco-friendly living. I am considering a summer vacation there -- only if I can get my family excited about it.

New layout

Spring is here. Time for changes to include my blog. Tell me what you like and don't like about it. Be honest.

Thoughts on a Saturday

A thought that keeps running through my head is regarding forward thinking. Every time I have ever applied for a job, I have always stated that a goal is to create forward thinking students. Forward thinking to me is some one that keeps their eye on the future and how their presence can impact or change that idea of future.

Unfortunately for me, I have not been a forward thinker for sometime now. I have been caught up in the past, due in part by my activity on face book and the reconnection of old friends. This has dredged up memories of dreams unfulfilled, and a life led at times by uncertainty and a longing for past and easier times.

Where has this put me? I can only compare it to racing on a track where the only things of concern are speed, avoiding collisions and spin outs, and the greatest challenge is yet another left turn. This is where I have spent the last few months, save for an occasional break that allows for a temporary peek into the future. These are fleeting and rare. My being is consumed by the now, unfulfilled and perhaps unrecognized dreams, and that pull for what might have been.

Certainly, we all think of the past occasionally. That is what has put us in this specific time and place. Choices made and lessons learned. However, being bogged down lets those moments of time just fly past us. A snap of the fingers and yet another moment, another opportunity gone. Another snap, another missed opportunity.

Recognizing this is part of the answer. Believe me, I recognize that I have been stuck making those endless left turns. In this time, there have been losses of loved ones, additions to families, and extreme challenges. I haven't revelled in the glory of the new opportunities facing me. I have been a wallower. I will try -- I must try -- to change. Life is to fleeting to waste -- and that is what I have been doing -- making those left turns and only looking at the present. The future is where I need to place my focus.

My weekend

Mark is off on an adventure to see his family, so it is just the boys, me, and the animals here for the weekend. That really suits me just fine, as I am suffering -- yes, suffering -- with bronchitis and a sinus infection. I am hoping the atb's kick in soon (day 2 today), and I am feeling better soon.

April -- I don't know the date

Somewhere, there should be a time tracker, who can tell a person how many minutes, hours, days, etc. of time that is wasted and is -- poof -- gone. I know that since I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia that I have wasted an enormous amount of time. I heard it in my husband's voice when he saying that I could easily have three hours per day for exercise; I was it on my friend's face today when she came to have lunch; I fell it in my body when I can't sleep but for hte paid that I feel from fibromyalgia. All of the opportunities that one missed along the way. Perhaps I should focus more on not wasting these minutes on foolish things. How about -- poof, here I am again -- pressing my nose to the glass to ensure I don't miss a a second of the scenery whether I am walking, riding in a car, or just whatever. Perhaps I won't begrudge the housework that goes and the things that stay unwritten so I cam have a bit of play time with my boys -- just to play and hang out. Time, is a fleeting thing -- the let it slip though our fingers, or we can act on it. I can't own it, but surely I can use that time that God has given me to work harder and longer amounts of time. This can happen so that those fleeting moments will be full, and when it is our time to pass from this earth, everyone will say that she lived her life well.