A shift in focus

In the excitement that is building in my house, I find comfort. The crackle of Christmas energy has arrived with much anticipation on the part of two young men that also lay claim to this house -- this home. Christmas this year, in reality the whole year, has been such a growing experience for the entire brood. We have held fast and have managed to come out of the learning curve all intact.

The lack of financial resources has made the traditional gift giving experience, well, an experience. We have learned ... or in some cases relearned ... that it is not about the material items that are exchanged, but the spirit in which the love is renewed.

This is not to say that the gifts that will be exchanged aren't welcome. They are. What began as a meager fare, has increased fourfold due to the charity of others. The traditional children's dance around festive packages, amid ornaments and other holiday paraphernalia, has reached an almost frenzied state. Corners of packages have been carefully lifted and then hurriedly stuck back down -- an attempt to glimpse the forbidden fruit. It seldom works, but does add to the fever of the holiday.

Calls have been made to reach out to others that may be in need of Christmas cheer, and invitations extended to those who have not found a corner of cheer. In our shifted focus, we have found the true meaning of the season ... the great gift of sharing love, and a renewed sense of the greatest gift to us all. That is, the love of an almighty parent, creating a life that will grow into the greatest earthly giver of love and compassion.

Merry Christmas to all.

On Mel's Mind

It is 3:51 and I am wide awake. I had a restless sleep. My fibromyalgia is in high gear today. I am achey all over. My back hurts to bad right now. I am going to have to take meds, which make me feel like I am disconnected with the world.

I am looking into getting disability. Not the short term that I am getting through school, but the long term kind that you get through social security. I know that I can’t work when I feel this way. I hope that I have the correct documentation. I have read several things about my specific diagnosis, and I do know that you have to be diagnosed by a rheumatologist in order not be rejected by ssi. I have that, thanks to my smart husband.

On another note, I didn’t make it to therapy yesterday due to the issue with Patrick. I feel bad in a way for him, but I think this will be good. He doesn’t have enough coping skills. He, like his mom, needs to be taught how to better deal with the stressers of life.

The last time I did go to therapy, I saw the psychiatrist. I really like him. I told him that I couldn’t afford medication. I was denied a claim for one of the meds that I have been taking for some time – Cymbalta. He had his secretary call the company drug rep to get free samples. He is going to give it to me for a while. That is really awesome, at least I think so.

Money is so tight right now. I even asked my sister for a loan, but that didn’t work out. It is scary not to have enough money to even by milk for your children. I had planned to go to the food stamp office yesterday, but was closed due to Veteran’s day I know this situation is temporary, but I just never thought that I would be here. I am thinking about going to a local church for family adoption for Christmas because I didn’t make all of my bills this past month. Extra money, if there would be any between now and Christmas, will have to go to paying past due bills. I haven’t decided as of yet. I know Christmas isn’t about the gifts we give to each other, and I don’t care about myself, but I would like my kids to be able to receive gifts. A tough one that I will have to think over.