Happy birthday

Sixteen years. Can it really be that amount of time that has passed since the birth of my first child? It sure doesn't seem so. The years have gone by in a flash.

I think about the baby that I held -- so amazed at this beautiful creation. I was so full of hope and expectations, but mainly I was full of love. The love that a mother has for a child far exceeded what I even thought was possible.

I can't even remember what my life was like before, nor do I want to. He is still my beautiful perfect boy, and my life is so much better for him being in it.

Life

Stressed out today. All of a sudden I seem to be overwhelmed by -- the kids, my house, my life ...

I know to take one thing at a time, and it will work out.

Actually, today was a good day when I look at the big picture. It is just that it is bed time, and so many things didn't get done. It wouldn't be such a big deal, but for the last week or so, there seems to be so much left over for the next day -- every day! I would just like to be caught up, or at least see the end!

Becoming my mom

Recently, I went to an all a school reunion for my high school. It was great. I got to see many old friends, and I really had a good time. Some of the people I hadn't seen in 30 years.

There was another reunion of two classes, mine and the one ahead of me just the other day. I didn't go to that one -- mainly because I had gone to the other and I knew that my best high school friend had done the same thing. From the pictures, it looks as though I missed out.

One of my re-acquaintances and I have been talking. It seems that I have brought back some friendships due to these reunions. What I have learned is that sooner or later, we all become our parents -- or at least some version of them. Some of my old school chums have even begun to look like their parents.

But here we are, in mid-life. Most of us have children of our own. Although times have changes so much since I was a school girl, many things remain the same. And it is in that sameness that we find the similarities. Problems that faced our parents at this time in their lives -- well, I am up against the same situations. It makes me wish for my mom.

If she were around, I would love to pick her brain to find out how she handled various situations. But she is not here, so I muddle through the best that I can. I find myself looking back to how she handled things with me -- and I try to pick the best of what I remember and go forward with that information. In many respects, I find that I AM becoming my mom.

What are you hiding from?

I read a book by Piers Anthony the other day. In it, one of the characters had been molested as a child, another character had been abused by her husband. OK -- every character had something they were hiding or running from. It really got me to thinking about my own life -- my own past.

What am I hiding from? Lately, I feel as though I am almost consumed by the ugliness that can come with sexual abuse. Stories that don't seem to bother others become huge to me. Things that others think funny bother me for days, not only invading my waking hours, but my dreams also. And so I wonder, what causes me to feel so uneasy -- almost sick? And even more than that, am I ever going to feel normal again?

a favorite

My favorite song of the moment is Why -- the version performed by 3T with Michael Jackson. It is lovely. Click the post title to launch the video.

Politics

I am infuriated with ignorance. The situation: President Obama makes a speech last night that aired on television. Lots of people who are uniformed and don't even exercise their right to vote make ignorant statements.

I am by no means saying that I am super-informed. I am not. There are lots of opportunities that I pass on that would make me a more learned person. I do, however, try to keep myself somewhat educated on issues and politicians.

Perhaps we could all take a lesson here -- to actively do something about a situation that we don't agree with instead of moaning about it.

Why does Monday come before Tuesday?

I am tired, but unable to sleep. It is too late for medication -- for then I won't be able to wake up fully to get the boys off to school. Perhaps a bit of writing will settle the fray and allow me to sleep.

I was thinking back over my life. Of the things that I have done that I don't understand now. Whatever the reasons were at the time, I made those choices. I guess it is like asking why does Monday come before Tuesday? That is just the way it is.